Today is a day of reflection for me. Where we have come from, where we have been and what God has in store for the future. I think about all the things I thought I knew: things about the world, the people in it and who I was to be walking amongst them. Truth be told, I saw life a LOT different. I will not pretend to have all the answers, nor do I hold much confidence in what I see for our family’s next journey. One lesson I have learned in this life is that no matter what you think your great calling may be it will change and the only thing that will not change is God Himself.
My favorite times with God are during times of worship. Worshipping God always seems to draw me deeper in faith and opens up my understanding of who God is. Every time I start worship I pray this prayer, “Lord, let this world disappear and it just be you and me, face to face, in that secret place.” I have always imagined my secret place as hiding in the folds of His robe, sheltered from the noise and distractions of the world, leaning close to His heart and listening to the beat of love flow for creation. It is in this place where I feel whole. I believe in God not because I am a mindless woman who follows the swiftest river. I believe in God because it is my nature. I am created to worship Him, to adore Him, to serve Him, to love Him, to devote all I have to Him. We all are.
Now if I may be blunt: People think they know me, however, not many do. Very few really see the inner workings of my heart. Yes, aspects of me are easier to see and define but what really lies under that is a desperate person. I have spent many hours of my life crying out to the heavens. Many times I have pondered, studied and tried to determine what God wanted for me. At points in my life I thought it to be healing ministry, at others missions, then maybe a combination of both, and now it has morphed into all those things and more. One underlying constant has been love. There is healing, redemption, and wholeness in love. There peace, joy and security in love. The Bible says, “God is love.” If that does not give us purpose or excite us then what will. All creation needs love and all creation needs God. There should not be one person to breathe their last breath on this planet without knowing what it is to love and be loved. Everyone IS loved but they just don’t know it yet. That is my underlying purpose. Some days I get trapped in the ways of the world and the day to day business forgetting what I was meant to do that day….love. I do get consumed with the affairs of men too much. Such is the fallacy of being human. That’s when I need my “secret place” even more. To see people as God sees them, not as a human judging them unnecessarily.
So, what does this all mean? It means I need to be more transparent, more true to my inner self and consistent in my everyday dealings. It means I need to have more of “God time” and less hurrying around doing things that don’t make a difference. I also see adoption as fulfilling and amplifying the calling on my life. Adoption is healing, it is redeeming, it is stepping out of us and giving to others, it is Godly love.
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