Thankful in the Loss

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day and most will be huddled together with family and friends gorging themselves on homemade delights. For me, I am supposed to work. I knew that becoming a nurse would ultimately find me making compromises that I would not want to make, but would for the greater good. Last year was Kayden's first Thanksgiving with us and I am grateful that we had that moment to share. However, this year my heart was set on seeing his school play as our family "thing" for Thanksgiving. He had been sharing snip-its of his "act" with us, taunting us with his cuteness. We dropped him off at school with warning from the school's director to make sure we were on time. After getting a few groceries, unloading them at home and getting dressed for the event, we headed to Kayden's school. We arrived to the sanctuary promptly at 11 am, cameras ready, and joined the other proud parents on the pews. After several acts, the director, stated "that's the end of our program folks." Shawn and I looked at each other questioningly. When we sat down to lunch with Kayden I overheard other parents telling their children, "you looked so great up there" and "I'm so proud of you, you did a great job." My heart sank. I couldn't tell my child that. I missed it. So much hope dashed. For most, this wouldn't have been a big deal. So he will do it again next year. For me, I became broken. I should have been there for my child and I let him down. In reflection, I am grateful for that brokenness. Why? Because I am bonded with my child. He is no longer an orphan. He is MINE. I love him with an unconditional everlasting love. It hurts me to hurt him, to dissappoint him or to feel that I have left him alone. I am thankful that I have him. That I can feel the joy and pain that comes along with being his mother. So Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Cherish the ups and downs for in them all are blessings. It just depends on your perspective.