Blessings in Barrenness

I started writing this entry May 2012 and it became a forgotten draft in the wake of my grandparents passing. I rediscovered it today, a year later, and felt that maybe it could still help someone...maybe...hopefully.

There are many Americans who either do not believe in a supernatural power (i.e. God) or, if they do, think that He created them and then walked away. Believing what I believe often labels me as weird or out of touch with reality. However, I want to share my opinion openly and with that I will take whatever criticisms come along, knowing that I am being true to myself. I am set to convince you that God is not only real but He is concerned with your everyday affairs.

I am not a fancy person who requires overt signs to determine what I believe. I believe because I have faith. I do feel that Christianity, in order to become more mainstream, has decided to shirk the wild unconventional elements of our faith instead of embracing them. Prophecy, though discredited in many circles today, has never been a requirement for me.  (Here goes the “crazy religious lady” stuff) Yes, there are people who are not true prophets. Yes, there are instances that prophecy is misused and twisted for man’s own agenda. However, true prophecy reveals God and His heart for His people. Prophecy confirms that He exists and He knows us. Why have we allowed this gift to go un-nurtured? My church believes and preaches the value of prophecy.  My husband and I happened to be the recipient of a prophetic word at our annual prophetic conference this week (May 2012) and it has ruined me. For one who did not require such grandeur, God really outdid Himself.

Three ministers, who did not know anything about us but our names spoke as if they had studied us our whole lives and knew the recesses of our hearts. So to increase the validation of their statements they wrote down their words before they even came to the meeting and gave it to us afterwards. There are so many things to process and digest out of what was said but I want to focus on one key point: a word that came about barrenness. Basically, the statement said that God gave me barrenness...now please do not get all theological on me...stay with me.

Take a moment. Think about it. What does the word “barren” mean to you? What comes to mind?

Desolate          Empty             Fruitless          Dry      Useless                        Wasteland

Incapable of Producing          Unprofitable               Habitual failure          Lack of Life

           

One of my favorite Bible verses, over the last 5 years, has become Isaiah 54:1-3.

Sing, barren woman, who has never had a baby. Fill the air with song, you who've never experienced childbirth! You're ending up with far more children than all those childbearing women." God says so! "Clear lots of ground for your tents! Make your tents large. Spread out! Think big! Use plenty of rope, drive the tent pegs deep. You're going to need lots of elbow room for your growing family. You're going to take over whole nations; you're going to resettle abandoned cities. Don't be afraid—you're not going to be embarrassed. Don't hold back—you're not going to come up short.

What has barren become to me?

Opportunity    Freedom from my own limitations      Increased Dependence on God for provision/life

Loss of things that were shallow (weeds) and deepened roots for the things that remain

Your probably thinking: Mandy, are you saying barrenness is better? By no means! For me, YES! Are you saying that everyone who struggles with infertility is MADE to be that way by God? No! What I am saying is bigger than that. You see God knew me from the foundation of the earth. He created me for a purpose beyond me. He made me barren because He trusted me with children who are alone. He knew I wouldn’t make that decision on my own. He knew I needed Him to make it clear. I have tried to help other people understand my contentment in this. I am settled. I am reconciled to it. Have I doubted myself? Yes, constantly. It's not normal. It's not accepted. It goes against the cultural beliefs we were raised with. When God spoke over me the word of barren I couldn’t contain my peace. I cried because in that moment I knew God, this all-powerful magnificent being, heard me and understood ME. What people could not comprehend, God made clear, it was of Him. Doctors could not explain and were dumbfounded that a healthy girl like me couldn’t conceive. What many see as a curse, I see as a blessing.

As I contemplated writing this personal blog post my child started singing..."Forever God is faithful, Forever God is strong, Forever God is with us, Forever and ever..."Tears once again started pouring as I realize I am walking out my divine plan. I will walk out my faith before my child(ren) so that may know God is faithful and He is near to them. He is concerned for them. He KNOWS them. He saw them in their loneliness and set them in a family.

Two things I want you to consider out of this. Two things I want you to see from a different point of view. One, your afflictions and trials are meant to be opportunities. Barrenness is not a social stigma or something to be ashamed of. I see it as a gift as some of you see birthing your child as a gift. Secondly, God KNOWS you. He created you. He has never stopped being present in your life. You may have removed yourself from Him but He never left you. He is waiting and is only a breath away from overwhelming you with His mercy and love. Prophecy is not a trick or a gimmick. It is an honest revelation that God is near.

In love,
M