Bluebonnet Boy

 

In Texas...it's a tradition.

Blessings in Barrenness

I started writing this entry May 2012 and it became a forgotten draft in the wake of my grandparents passing. I rediscovered it today, a year later, and felt that maybe it could still help someone...maybe...hopefully.

There are many Americans who either do not believe in a supernatural power (i.e. God) or, if they do, think that He created them and then walked away. Believing what I believe often labels me as weird or out of touch with reality. However, I want to share my opinion openly and with that I will take whatever criticisms come along, knowing that I am being true to myself. I am set to convince you that God is not only real but He is concerned with your everyday affairs.

I am not a fancy person who requires overt signs to determine what I believe. I believe because I have faith. I do feel that Christianity, in order to become more mainstream, has decided to shirk the wild unconventional elements of our faith instead of embracing them. Prophecy, though discredited in many circles today, has never been a requirement for me.  (Here goes the “crazy religious lady” stuff) Yes, there are people who are not true prophets. Yes, there are instances that prophecy is misused and twisted for man’s own agenda. However, true prophecy reveals God and His heart for His people. Prophecy confirms that He exists and He knows us. Why have we allowed this gift to go un-nurtured? My church believes and preaches the value of prophecy.  My husband and I happened to be the recipient of a prophetic word at our annual prophetic conference this week (May 2012) and it has ruined me. For one who did not require such grandeur, God really outdid Himself.

Three ministers, who did not know anything about us but our names spoke as if they had studied us our whole lives and knew the recesses of our hearts. So to increase the validation of their statements they wrote down their words before they even came to the meeting and gave it to us afterwards. There are so many things to process and digest out of what was said but I want to focus on one key point: a word that came about barrenness. Basically, the statement said that God gave me barrenness...now please do not get all theological on me...stay with me.

Take a moment. Think about it. What does the word “barren” mean to you? What comes to mind?

Desolate          Empty             Fruitless          Dry      Useless                        Wasteland

Incapable of Producing          Unprofitable               Habitual failure          Lack of Life

           

One of my favorite Bible verses, over the last 5 years, has become Isaiah 54:1-3.

Sing, barren woman, who has never had a baby. Fill the air with song, you who've never experienced childbirth! You're ending up with far more children than all those childbearing women." God says so! "Clear lots of ground for your tents! Make your tents large. Spread out! Think big! Use plenty of rope, drive the tent pegs deep. You're going to need lots of elbow room for your growing family. You're going to take over whole nations; you're going to resettle abandoned cities. Don't be afraid—you're not going to be embarrassed. Don't hold back—you're not going to come up short.

What has barren become to me?

Opportunity    Freedom from my own limitations      Increased Dependence on God for provision/life

Loss of things that were shallow (weeds) and deepened roots for the things that remain

Your probably thinking: Mandy, are you saying barrenness is better? By no means! For me, YES! Are you saying that everyone who struggles with infertility is MADE to be that way by God? No! What I am saying is bigger than that. You see God knew me from the foundation of the earth. He created me for a purpose beyond me. He made me barren because He trusted me with children who are alone. He knew I wouldn’t make that decision on my own. He knew I needed Him to make it clear. I have tried to help other people understand my contentment in this. I am settled. I am reconciled to it. Have I doubted myself? Yes, constantly. It's not normal. It's not accepted. It goes against the cultural beliefs we were raised with. When God spoke over me the word of barren I couldn’t contain my peace. I cried because in that moment I knew God, this all-powerful magnificent being, heard me and understood ME. What people could not comprehend, God made clear, it was of Him. Doctors could not explain and were dumbfounded that a healthy girl like me couldn’t conceive. What many see as a curse, I see as a blessing.

As I contemplated writing this personal blog post my child started singing..."Forever God is faithful, Forever God is strong, Forever God is with us, Forever and ever..."Tears once again started pouring as I realize I am walking out my divine plan. I will walk out my faith before my child(ren) so that may know God is faithful and He is near to them. He is concerned for them. He KNOWS them. He saw them in their loneliness and set them in a family.

Two things I want you to consider out of this. Two things I want you to see from a different point of view. One, your afflictions and trials are meant to be opportunities. Barrenness is not a social stigma or something to be ashamed of. I see it as a gift as some of you see birthing your child as a gift. Secondly, God KNOWS you. He created you. He has never stopped being present in your life. You may have removed yourself from Him but He never left you. He is waiting and is only a breath away from overwhelming you with His mercy and love. Prophecy is not a trick or a gimmick. It is an honest revelation that God is near.

In love,
M

Baseball Fever

We are in full SWING at the Mansell house. Every year, a little boy bounces up and down in anticipation of warmer weather, baseball cleats, and THE RANGERS! This year we were able to participate in Youth Baseball Day where the kids walk the big league field with their team. Here are a couple of pictures we snapped... 

Daddy and K standing in line, ready to walk the field.

A quick pic at home plate...not the best of me, I know.

My distracted child who was dreaming of playing ball on that BIG field.

He kept talking about wanting to play for the Rangers and getting on that field...

"Mom, look at the signs from down here...that's where the home runs go!"

Baseball...a sport that inspires dreaming, discipline, and determination for my son...SWING batter-batter, SWING!

Love VS Law

I had a major download into my spirit today after reading Deuteronomy 6 in The Message Bible. I have been feeling a need to read it for sometime but got "caught up" in a reading plan that I kept forgetting to stop and read this particular passage. If you haven't read this passage recently I encourage you to do so before continuing the reading of this blog (at least go get your Bible and read the parts I'm going to refer to).

To set the backdrop, the scriptures leading up to Deuteronomy 6 are about The Law (i.e. 10 Commandments). In chapter 6 we learn the "why" of the commandments. I don't know about you but when someone tells me to do something I will not put in a vested interest without a deeper meaning or explanation. The "why" is important to me. Here are some of my thoughts.

Israel had continued to be disobedient despite all the things God had done for them. They would be good for a while but their "hearts" were not committed to God. They never really left behind their old habits, old desires, old mindsets. They wandered around for 40 years while God patiently taught, corrected and waited on them to fall in love with Him (I know that's a "girlie" way of putting it but isn't that what devotion is?) He wanted them to live FOR Him without a "slave" mentality. However, that's sometimes how we view Him too. "All these rules. All these commandments. If I'm not a slave to one thing…I'm a slave to another." WRONG! Jesus even said, "The first commandment is this: Love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy. And here is the second: Love others as well as you love yourself." Mark 12: 29-31 Why these set of rules? Verse 2 in Deuteronomy 6 states, "this is so you'll live in deep reverence before God lifelong…you, you and your children…living good lives." Not just a surface commitment but a DEEP love, deep passion, deep reverence. One that is not shaken by outward circumstances. One that holds steadfast when temptation knocks on your door. One that relies of God fully.

Verse 3: "Listen obediently." There are two actions here: Listen and Obey. A lot of times we listen without a heart ready to obey. Think on that for a moment. A heart that is devoted is ready to obey. Don't get mad at me yet…I am building on a point (and NO I am not perfect!) Further in the same passage it emphasizes that God had already made provision, they were about to enter "a land abounding in milk and honey" but to live in that fully they (we) would have to listen and obey. It's not that the provision wasn't there but they couldn't attain to the abundance of it all without obedience; they (we) would be self-limiting. Continuing with that thought, verse 4 says, "God is the ONLY God." Do not take up false idols and distract yourself from God's provision. You will only harm yourself. The abundance God has provided will not be fully experienced because your actions, thoughts, wealth and attentions will be drawn elsewhere.

Verse 5: Everything, from the depths of you to the groaning of your soul, must be devoted/desirous of Him. Love Him wildly, passionately, and wholly. Not because He commands it but because YOU DESIRE IT. You have a free will, a choice. It is not love if it is demanded. The chapter then goes on to teach the Israelites how they could keep these thoughts ever before them. Remind yourself daily that God does not require anything from you except love and devotion. He is your God, your one and only God.

Vs 10-12: I love this amazing passage. It is a true mark of God's provision for all of us. He will take care of us. "Houses you didn't buy…wells you didn't dig…orchards you didn't plant…" WOW! Don't forget how you got these things. Not of your own hand, not because you were perfect, not because you followed the Law but merely because you have found favor in God's eyes. Why not devote yourself to the One who loves you so completely?

Vs 20-24: Why? We were slaves….God intervened and got us out. It is not by our power: "We STOOD there and WATCHED as GOD delivered miracle signs, great wonders…" Our own salvation we did NOTHING to earn it. He gave it freely. He did a miraculous wonder and we stood there, enslaved in our sin, and either accepted or denied His provision of freedom. Israelites who went along with the crowd and left their slavery but didn't have a heart change died in the desert because they either rejected or denied the fullness of the gift they had given. It is the same for us. You can confess with your mouth but you must also BELIEVE in your HEART to be saved. Notice that doesn't say brain, it says heart. Mentally it may make sense to believe but your hearts devotion must change. God commanded us so we would live reverently before Him, the One who gives us this good life. Serving God is not about fear of breaking a rule. Yes, sin separates BUT Christ died on the cross to cover all our sins. The "rules" are there to teach us how to love God and others. If our actions are motivated by love of Him and love of our neighbors then we ARE keeping His commands. I am grateful that in my imperfection God has made me righteous through Christ. In that I will live a long and abundant life.


No I do not live by the Law BUT because of the grace He has shown me by delivering me from "slavery" I will reverently obey His ways. It is out of gratefulness my soul submits, not obligation.

Moral of the story: Love Him from the deepest part of you, wildly and without abandon. Develop relationship NOT legalistic religion. He has made provision, step into it and don't be distracted by what the world offers you as a cheap imitation to replace His bounty.

Mother's Day

Sunday will be a day of celebration for many women in the United States. It is a day we remember our mothers. The women who gave of themselves, often selflessly, to see that we were raised to be whatever our hearts wanted to be. Personally, I have a really awesome mom. She is truly my best friend and she is why I have become who I am. I also was gifted a really great mother-in-love as well. Because of their sacrifices and unconditional love my husband and I can raise a new generation of little ones who can achieve all that their heart desires as well. However, my heart is sad today for those who may feel loss this Mother's Day. Yes, many mothers may no longer be with us but I speak specifically of mothers in waiting today. I remember a time, not too far back, that I was waiting to be a mom. Friends my age already were mothers of multiple children while I was still waiting. Mother's Day celebrations were overshadowed by the reminder of what I didn't have. So, this Sunday I will stand with those mothers in waiting. I will not forget the struggle. I will not forget the sorrow or pain. I will lift you up to my Heavenly Father and I encourage you to open your Bible to this passage to say it aloud. This is His promise to you:

Isaiah 54:1-3 (The Message)


Sing, barren woman, who has never had a baby. 
   Fill the air with song, you who've never experienced childbirth!
You're ending up with far more children 
   than all those childbearing women." God says so!
"Clear lots of ground for your tents! 
   Make your tents large. Spread out! Think big!
Use plenty of rope, 
   drive the tent pegs deep.
You're going to need lots of elbow room 
   for your growing family.
You're going to take over whole nations; 
   you're going to resettle abandoned cities.


You may not hold a child in your arms or know what he/she may look like but you carry all your children in your heart. God is faithful.

With all my love,
Mandy
(mother of many nations)

Set up for failure?

**Please note that the opinions shared are general in nature and they are MY opinions. Not all families or people in each subset fit the characteristics I am speaking of**

I have had something pressing on my mind for quite some time and I have been hesitant to share because I know it is a touchy subject with parents. However, I have been thinking back on my grandparent's generation, my parent's, my own and now my child's to determine the legacy I want to leave behind.

Looking back, my grandparents worked the ground from sun up to sundown. Their children worked along side of them toiling and reaping. Parents had very little time to "communicate" with their children on their feelings but spent more time telling them what needed to be done and how to do it. In that there is pros and cons. Children learned hard work pays off. Children may or may not have heard "I love you" and had quiet intimate moments with their parents but they had love being displayed for them by the sacrifices their parents made. In talking with my own mother, I realized that she was never close to her mother like she and I are. Her mother was always busy performing the task at hand, knowing that the kids would take care of themselves. Almost as a response to the lack my parent's generation felt, they began compensating for their losses, in a way, and providing to their children what they never had: love, acceptance and more attentiveness.

My parent's generation are the ones who need to do it all. Their work ethic alone astonishes me. They are loyal and see tasks through to completion (which they learned from their parents). Jobs were seen as more of a way to pay bills, not a life calling. So when the paid job was done it became all about the family. As an asset, technology began flourish which made tasks faster to accomplish so they could spend more time with their families. However, it wasn't so fast that it was obsessed over. Quality time became the banner of how they raised their children. (Of course, I think my parents are perfect and I wish I had the ability to do all that they did.)  We spent more time outside than inside. We took road trips every summer, grew a garden, learned about plants/tress, mowed the grass every Saturday in the summer, had family dinner every night, played board games, put bows in daddy's hair while he took naps on the floor, washed cars together, visited the elderly and attended church every Sunday. Rarely was technology used for entertainment in our house-WE were the entertainment. It wasn't until I was a teenager that I started watching TV religiously. Which brings me to MY generation and the skyrocketing effect of advanced technology.

In my opinion, we also began to compensate but at a detriment to ourselves and our children. As we rapidly began advancing in technology we simultaneously created a hunger for the latest and greatest. It's not just keeping up with the Jones' anymore. It's staying one step ahead of the Jetson's. We work but not always at the level of excellence we should because we are too distracted by the static noise created by our multitasking. We have so much time on our hands that we fill it with "junk" to please ourselves and our indulgences. We have put more emphasis on quantity than quality. We have taught our children that THINGS are more important than people. We can have instant coffee, on demand movies, text instead of talking. We satisfy our needs instantly with a push of a button. We advance in technology in order to have more time but what are we spending that extra time on? More technology and not our children. Yes, I'm guilty and that's why it bothers me. I sometimes text, play a game or Facebook while Kayden plays with his toys or slides at the playground, never really giving him my full attention. My husband may play a game on his phone from time to time waiting for dinner to get ready. If our son wants a particular movie or show we pull up Netfix or use the DVR(before we got rid of it). Then, as parents, we wonder why he is often demanding and cries when he can't have something NOW! Our children melt into tears like it's the end of the world because they have yet to learn what it means to be patient and wait. What lesson are we passing on to our children? They have never seen someone work the land, have 3 jobs to pay bills or even understand that you SAVE your money to get what you want. My point is, all around me I see a generation of kids being raised today without the ability to understand patience or promises. (These concepts are intertwined.) All they know is, "if I ask for it I can have it...right now." Wow! Are we setting them up for failure? What happened to the saying, "good things come to them that wait?" No, I'm not anti-technology and YES there are some instances where technology creates family time, i.e. Skype. I'm not going to build a cabin in the woods without electricity but I am rethinking our approach and use of it in our home. Here's why:

Isaiah 40:31 "But those who WAIT upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."
Psalm 37: 34 "WAIT on the Lord, and keep His way, and He shall exalt you to inherit the land"
Isaiah 64:4 "For since the beginning of the world men have not heard nor perceived by the ear, nor has any eye see any God besides You, who acts for the one who WAITS for Him."
and lastly....
Proverbs 4:1-6 "Hear, my children, the instruction of a FATHER, and give ATTENTION to know understanding; for I give you good doctrine...." please look up and read the remainder if you have children.

If I want my children to follow God, even to know that there is a God, I have to teach them patience. Patience to listen. Patience for understanding. Patience to wait on God and His promises. Otherwise, I am failing them as their parent. Our day to day activities teaches our kids the life lessons they need to be successful. Today's kids will grow up looking to God through eyes clouded with our parenting. What is the legacy I am wanting to leave?

Thoughts?

Walking out life lessons

In everything there is a season. Hopefully, for us North Texas folks we are headed into the Spring season. Today, Kayden got down from the breakfast table and asked if we could go for a walk. I put him off at first because I was tired from just having worked three busy days at work. After he asked the 5th time I conceded and put my shoes on. He wanted to head to the park across the street. For most families a walk is a walk, but for Kayden and me it has a special meaning. When Kayden first came home he and I would "walk" every morning at the park. We would spend hours playing, strolling, laughing and getting used to his new life. At first he hated the grass and sand. It was so dissimilar to the cement and tile floors he was use to at the foster home. However, daily we still went back and explored some more. Last spring/summer we did the same. We would walk to the park and he would focus on the ducks, fish or turtles and would have "conversations" in baby talk with me. Today, though similar in many ways to the previous year, was much more rewarding. Now he loves the outdoors, the grass, rocks, sticks and sand. We talk of how the leaves fell off the trees and the grass that was once green is brown, but it will be green again. The lessons we learned today were built off of the foundations of years past. He and I both learned some valuable lessons today.

As we meandered through the park we watched people riding bikes, playing basketball and some walking their dogs. Kayden (Mr. Personality) says "hi" to everyone and wants to pet every dog. This child knows NO fear. We were about half way around the big pond and a car pulls up into a parking space with dogs yapping. Kayden just smiled. A gentleman stepped out and a little terrier came with him on a leash. He walked around to the passenger side and let out his wife, who had a large Scotty with her, also on a leash. However, the Scotty got loose and barked loudly racing towards Kayden. For a moment, I didn't know what to do. I was scared that the dog might knock Kayden into the cold water of the pond OR angrily bite him. I couldn't predict the dogs actions. I stood my ground for a minute waiting on the ladies reaction and then I heard her say "NO!!!! Oh NO!" I took that to mean my child could be in danger. I swept Kayden up and over my back in record time sticking my leg out toward the dog. The dog stopped abruptly and sat down quietly. I grabbed his leash with my free hand and gave it back to the owner. At that point I put Kayden back down and he says in his sing song voice, "hey puppy!" The man and woman were so apologetic and I assured them we were fine, but I was so overwhelmed by the whole encounter I turned and started to tear up. This is why: Kayden was given to me on paper but he was gifted to me by God. You never know what is in you until it becomes challenged. I always worried if I would be a good mother when it came down to crunch time. Yes, I know I am a good mom but I needed to KNOW deep inside I was a good mom. I walked away thinking, "yes, I would give my life (or right leg in this case) for my child." Kayden had no idea what thoughts were swirling through my head. He was on to the ducks again. As we started walking back home a sudden song came to mind and I sang aloud, "Jesus, Jesus (and Kayden starts singing along "Jee-dus, Jee-dus...) how I trust you, how I've proved you o'er and o'er. Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus. Oh for grace to trust you more." Kayden says, "mom, what does that mean?" I replied, "We believe that Jesus will take care of us, love us, watch over us..." Kayden interrupts, "help us!" "Yes, baby he helps us. And even when we have times where we think things are bad, He will make them good." Kayden just smiled and said, "Jesus helps us. He's awesome!"

I am ready for this next season. A season where I can teach my child that God watches over us. He gives good gifts to His children and even when things looks dead, there is life deep within.